Beer Review

Here are the brews that I sampled at the LMU Alumni Beer Tasting. All the beers were from California breweries. Although there weren't that many beers sampled, the chosen candidates seem to cover a large spectrum of brews. There was a clear winner, a definite loser, and everything in between.

Please, don't let me discourage anyone from trying any of these beers even when my opinion of it is less than craptacular. You might have an acquired taste for bottled piss water. Regardless, it'll provide contrast between beers that you do like and beers that you don't.

Brewery: Karl Strauss
Location: San Diego, CA
Name: Woodie Gold
Type: Pilsner




















My thoughts: Not bad. It wasn't terrible but I wouldn't buy a 6 pack of it. I had such higher hopes for a beer with the words "woodie" and "blonde" in its name. If I saw it in a cooler at a party, then I'd pick it up over a Corona.

Brewery: Sierra Nevada
Location: Chico, CA
Name: Wheat
Type: Wheat Ale















My thoughts: This one didn't leave much of an impression on me. It wasn't as assy as their more popular Sierra Nevada Pale Ale that can be found in supermarkets but it didn't make me want a refill. I think I would take a corona over this one.

Brewery: Stone
Location: Escondido, CA
Name: IPA
Type: Indian Pale Ale

















My thoughts: Stone is one of those brands that can not do right by me. I know a couple peeps that really enjoy their brews but I'm not one of them. Couple this with the fact that this is an IPA and I immediately dismissed this as gas station toilet water. I'm just not down with their hoppyness. The other Stone brew that I have tried is the Arrogant Bastard Ale. I felt it puts the ass in basstard, but I digress. I would crack open a frosty Coors Light before I open another Stone IPA. That's right, I said it.

Brewery: Anderson Valley Brewing Company
Location: Boonville, CA
Name: Boont
Type: Amber Ale
















My thoughts: This one was actually not new to me at the time of the tasting. I had had it on more than one occasion and I continue to pick up a 6 pack from time to time. It's got good flavor that is not bitter at all and actually tastes a bit sweet going down. For those that aren't into dark ales, this one would be a good one to try. This beer has the added advantage over the other beers in this list in that it is available at Trader Joe's. You don't have to make a pilgrimage to Beverage Warehouse or BevMo.

Brewery: Moylans
Location: Novato, CA
Name: Kilt Lifter
Type: Scotch Ale












My thoughts: This brew was the winner for the evening. It's got great flavor that isn't bitter. It's like a strong pimp hand that doesn't slap the taste out cho mouf'. It's like a rub n' tug in a bottle. OK, not quite but it's pretty damn good. I rank this as a possible favorite. It's not quite at the Newcastle and Fat Tire level but it's up there.

Brewery: North Coast
Location: Fort Bragg, CA
Name: Old Rasputin
Type: Russian Imperial Stout
























My thoughts: Where to begin... perhaps a verse!

It boggles my mind...
How did they teach a horse to
shit in a bottle?

This stool sample was easily the loser of the evening. No one that attended the tasting could choke down this crap. All around the tasting room, people had poured this out into discarded pint glasses.

It's hoppy like an IPA.
Except it's like an IPA on crack.
And the crack is just more hops.
And when the said horse could shit no more, more hops were added to the brew.

Russian Imperial Stout is another brew that was traditionally over-hopped so that it would survive a long sea journey. This time it had to go all the way to Russia. In communist Russia, the beer drinks you! They shoulda stuck to vodka.

Post Graduate Studies at LMU

I graduated from Loyola Marymount University in May 2000 with a Bachelor of Science degree in Computer Engineering. On that fateful day, I vowed that I was through with college. No more studying for me! My newly minted bullshit (B.S.) was enough.

Five years later, I made a liar out of myself and enrolled at USC to pursue a Master of Science degree in Electrical Engineering. So I toiled for what seemed like ages until December of 2006 when I graduated from USC's Viterbi School of Engineering. My perseverance has allowed me to add More Shit (M.S.) on top of my B.S. Just like before, I vowed that I've had enough shit; I don't want it Piled Higher and Deeper (Phd).

In January of 2008, I received an e-mail from LMU inviting me to continue my post graduate studies. I thought about it; I slept on it; I took 2 hr dumps while I contemplated.

I thought to myself, "I'm not getting any younger. I might as well do it while I can handle it."

So I replied to the e-mail, "Yes, I would like to attend...

and I will be bringing a guest."

To the South Bay Alumni Beer Tasting Event hosted by the LMU Almuni Association!

Oh, come on! Did you seriously think I'd pursue a doctorates in EE? Maybe in psychology, pottery, photography, or even gynecology but fuck engineering. I've sat in enough classes full of nerdy asian dudes to last me two lifetimes. Show me the dumb blondes!

And no, I did not have to contemplate long on this decision. My attendance was never in question.

It was a great time. It took place at Sangria on the Hermosa Pier. We had the entire back room to ourselves. There were beer enthusiasts of all ages; newly-grads, yuppies like myself, and moms and dads. The things I learned! The beer I tasted! It was legen......dary!

At the tasting, information sheets were handed out that listed the beers to be poured as well as some beer related terms and facts. Since, this sheet provided such useful information - some of which I've wondered about in the past - I thought it be a good idea to share the knowledge that I have gained. The following info is pilfered from the sheet that was handed out. I did not dig this up myself and I do not take credit for it. All credit belongs to the LMU Alumni Association.

First off, some general terms:

• Balance: This is the malt to hop proportion in a beer.
• Cask/bottle conditioned: Beer with yeast still in the brew to complete fermentation.
  
• Hops: Considered the spice of the beer that can add bitterness and/or aromas.
• IBU: International Bitterness Unit - this is the unit of measurement in a system designed to quantify the hop-induced bitterness of finished beer. Higher IBUs equals more hop flavor. Some refer to this flavor as hoppiness. I call it bitterness.
• Malted grains: Gives beer its smooth, rich flavor. Although barley is normally used, other grains may be substituted e.g. wheat. Ergo, beers that use malted wheat instead of barley are called wheat beers. Duh...

There are two main styles of beers out there: Ales and Lagers. The main difference resides in the type of yeast used in the brewing process. Ales are brewed with a fast acting yeast that leaves that leaves behind residual sugar. This fast acting yeast is top fermenting and works its gaseous magic at room temperature. Lagers, on the other hand, use a slower acting yeast that leaves behind less sugar and results in a dryer beer. This strain of yeast is bottom fermenting and requires colder temperatures. For more information, see this wikipedia page on beer. Ales and lagers are further divided into subcategories such as the following:

Ales:

• Bitters: This is an English Ale brewed with a lot of hops. Our US equivalent is the pale ale.
• Pale Ale: An amber/copper colored ale that tastes like a poorly wiped ass. Okay, that's just my opinion but the majority of pale ales I've had do taste like ass. However, I still retain an open mind to trying them. Just don't expect me to pay for it.
  
• IPA: Indian Pale Ale - an over-hopped (bitter) ale that was originally brewed in the 1700's. This style of brew was made for British troops serving in India. The excess hops in the beer allowed the ale to survive the months-long journey. W/o the excess hops, the beer would spoil before it reached its destination and that would have been an extremely heinous party foul. Like the pale ale, I think this tastes like a poorly wiped ass - one that dropped a deuce in London, half-heartedly wiped, and then placed on a boat where the dingleberries could marinate on its sea voyage to India where English blokes could savor its bitter poo-ness. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not a big fan of the IPA.
  
• Porter: A very dark ale first brewed in London in 1722.
  
• Stout: Formerly known as Stout Porter, this tends to be darker, richer, and hoppier than porter.
  

Lagers:

• Bock: A strong lager traditionally brewed in the winter to celebrate spring. It's full bodied and malty.
• Maerzen: Pale lager that dates back to the 17th century. I don't know squat about this one but if you would like to sponsor a study into this brew, I would be more than happy to oblige.
• Pilsner: Like maerzen, I got nothing.
  

The above list is most likely not conclusive. I'm sure there's a lot of different styles of beers that I haven't mentioned and I'm too lazy to chase down every category. Believe it or not, I'd much rather learn about beer via experience, not a book.

One other noteworthy style of beer is the Belgian Ale. These tend to be fruity, bottle conditioned ales with high alcohol content. So not only will it kick your ass, but it'll taste good while doing it. They tend to cost a little more per bottle but are very worthwhile if you ever have a chance to try one.

Since this post is getting much longer than I intended, I'll end it here. I'll discuss the beers that were poured that night in another post. In the mean time, go forth and comsume beer. Cheers!

Santa Barbara: The Straight Man's Shangri-La?

My girlfriend, Susie, and I went to Santa Barbara for Valentine's. Well, it was the weekend before Valentine's but that was the intention. I am very tempted to segue into a Valentine rant at this point but I'll save it for the sake of staying on topic. Besides, it's nothing earth-shattering; it's something every guy knows in his head, heart, and wallet.

On with the show!

It's been a few years since I've been to Santa Barbara. The last time I was there was back in college sometime and it was always a day trip. So I was glad to be getting back there and spending the weekend. For those that have not been, I encourage you to check it out. I won't go into the tourist highlights as you can find that info in any brochure or travel website. Rather, I'm going to tell you what I learned that was not in the brochures.

I had two revelations while we were there:

1. Santa Barbara has a substantial gay community. Either that or they are extremely metro-sexual for such a laid back community. I got this vibe from some of the locals we walked past, spotted in bars, or chatted with. This wasn't a bad thing; it's not like they were aggressive in any way. In fact, I think it might work to the advantage of a straight single male partying in SB. More on that later. The most convincing and, not uncoincidentally, the most curious piece of evidence of the town's underlying rainbow hues was discovered on State St.

After dinner on Friday night, we walked down State Street in search of some night life. We came across an adult store aptly named, "The Adult Store." Naturally, we went in to peruse the fine collection of strap-ons, dongs, double-dongs, and latex vagines. We were checking out the videos when we noticed an abnormally large collection of gay porn. Most video stores have some gay porn; this store had an entire wall dedicated to sword fighting and West Hollywood butt darts. By comparison, the lesbian porn section was unusually minuscule. It was one dinky shelf, maybe a foot and half long with just a handful of girl-on-girl action videos. How very disappointing. The only redeeming quality to the pathetic selection was a video titled, "Box Lunch," which we thought was hilarious. We lol'ed irl. tee hee.

2. A straight single guy could do well in Santa Barbara, poon-wise. During the day on Saturday, Susie and I went wine tasting in Santa Ynez Valley and it was a great time. We had some great wine, met some fun people, and we enjoyed the beautiful weather. As we moved between wineries and tasting rooms, it became painfully obvious that something felt out of place.

There was something out of the ordinary and that doesn't occur often. In fact, the last several times I have seen this happen in LA were at BBQs where the host bought 1 pack of hot dogs and 2 packs of buns. That's right sports fans, there were more buns than hot dogs. I'm talking about the male-to-female ratio. It's rare that this ratio is ever less than 1. It might approach 1, but to be less than 1 is the stuff dreams are made of. In this case, the ratio was easily 2:3 or even 1:2. The absolute worst it gets at wine tasting is close to 1:1.

Oh, it gets better. Think about the patrons that wine tasting attracts. When was the last time you heard a bunch of straight single dudes get together and plan their next wine tasting trip? The last time I heard that was last year during the month of NEVER. Wine tasting is most often patronized by couples, bachelorette parties, or whatever girl's day out event. Let me spell it out:

• The dudes visiting the wineries are usually not single or not straight. These hot dogs already have buns or are looking for another hot dog, not a bun. In either case, they are not competition.
  
• Bachelorette party = bride + X + Y, where
  
• X = number of single women in the party that have been drinking all day,
• Y = number of non-single women that have been drinking all day,
• bride = woman who has been drinking all day.

Do the math and you end up with a bunch of women that have been drinking all day.

• Girl's day out. See the above formula regarding bachelorette parties. Substitute the left side of the equation with "bunch of girls."

Unfortunately, there is a catch. Straight, single men don't go wine tasting at wineries unless the wine is actually beer and the winery is actually a titty bar. The only way around this that I see is to head up there with friends that are couples. That way, the single male is just hanging out with homies. Nuttin wrong with that.

The above scenario is currently untested but I would be interested in seeing the theory in action. If any bachelors would like to test this theory, then give me a holla and I will try to accommodate. This might work in Napa also but should the bachelor strike out, the Napa nightlife or lack thereof would be very unforgiving. You'd have to go all the way to Frisco to party. The drive from Santa Ynez Valley to SB sucks after a day of drinking but it's shorter than Napa -> SF.

My problem with blogs

Maybe it's just me. Sometimes, writing to a blog is like talking to a wall. It's a one sided conversation. I never kept a diary or a journal though I do post on various message boards every so often. I guess I'm more interested in having a discussion than making journal entries.

I've had plenty to write about since my last entry but the inclination hasn't been there. Again, not a fan of talking to a wall. But once in a while, I am able to force myself to login to this and remember why I started it in the first place: fuck if I know.

Actually, I think I do. It's just a means of getting my ideas out there; no matter how stupid, asinine, or profound they may be.

A priest and a rabbi walk into the men's locker room

A priest and a rabbi walk into the men's locker room and both their fuckin lockers are right next to mine. WTF!!! Why is it that there are 3 people in an entire locker room with over 120 lockers and all 3 of our lockers are near adjacent. Why, cruel universe ?!!?!

OK, it wasn't a priest and a rabbi. It was couple of sweaty fat dudes but you get the point. Last night's visit to the gym was so shitty that I think it added to my stress. By the time I was through, I was disgruntled, annoyed, and in a rush to get the fuck outta there. Why was I in a rush? Read on.

First off, the clusterfuck around my locker happens as I'm changing into my gym clothes. The 2 other dudes that had just finished their workout can't help that our lockers are right next to each other. It wasn't intentional; it was just a cruel twist of fate. What those homos could have done was to have a little patience and realize that all our asses could not occupy the same volume of fuckin space at the same time. (As you can see, my anger has not completely subsided. And for the sake of posterity, I risk whipping myself into a frenzy again.) So in a flurry of elbows, chaffed thighs, and bitch tits, I quickly finish changing with complete disregard for the whales that have beached themselves next to me. I give as good as I get.

After I changed, I move into the gym area to stretch. Before I continue this diatribe, realize that LA gym's are a different flavor that those in Hawaii. The people are VERY different. In general, the folks in Hawaii's gyms are much nicer. They are polite, courteous, and helpful. Most of all - they pick up their shit. They don't just drop whatever equipment they are finished with and walk off. Not so at my gym in LA. Most men here are like 5 yrs olds -when they're done with something, it's dropped and forgotten about and they move on. I have nothing but contempt and loathing for these failed abortions.

Anyway, I move on to stretch and I see an exercise mat laying around and no one using it. Well, I shift it over a bit and prepare to do my business. Just then, this short, fat, black guy says, "Hey! I'm using that!" in a not-so-friendly way. It's like he wanted fuckin reparations from me or something. This meathead that was standing so many feet away flapping his big lips was apparently using this mat. Well shit son, by that logic, he's using everything in this motherfucker. Still, I do not hold him responsible for this offense. I blame his crack whore mother for missing him with the coat hanger when he was a fetus.

At this point, I sigh and move on. I've accepted that most men in this gym are assholes with no social skills. I pick up another mat and move over to stretch by a couple of ladies. They say nothing. I say nothing. We mutually accept each other's presence and go about our business. We don't get in each other's way and by no means are we rude to one another. Much better.

I'm done stretching and I start on the treadmill. Fifteen minutes into it and I'm doing great. My form is good, my breathing is easy, and I'm thinking I can easily do the full run today. No more assholes around to annoy me or otherwise ruin my workout.

Except one.

Mine.

Yeah. The worst timing ever. I'm finally get into a groove and the kids start clamoring about being dropped off at the pool. Holding it is not as easy as it normally is. Most people sit down when their holding it. Or if they are walking over to the pot, then they do a bow-legged waddle while keeping both buttcheeks clenched. Try either of those on a treadmill. There's a lot of bouncing around; a lot of flexing and relaxing of the muscles that govern the lower extremities so it's not like I could just pucker up. All things considered, I think I did fairly well. I resisted until it was no longer prudent which was about another 15 minutes and then I got the fuck outta dodge. Hence, I left the gym disgruntled, annoyed, and in a rush.

Other things that annoy me at the gym:

• Slime trails AKA lard residue AKA beads of sweat left on equipment as a parting gift for the next person.
  
• Double wide women that walk shoulder to shoulder at a snail's pace as they leave their aerobics class. I always get stuck walking behind them and let me tell you - the view isn't pretty.
• Stinky dudes that stand in front of the fan in the men's locker room. Yes, you're hot and sweaty. Cool off by taking a dip in the toilet with the rest of the turds.
  
• Men with foot fungus that walk around barefoot and spray their feet with Tinactin spray or some such anti foot funk spray. It leaves a negative image of their diseased foot on the ground to remind you where not too step. Maybe their foot wouldn't be rotting off if they didn't walk around the locker room barefoot. Rtards.
• Male staff at the front desk that offer dick to all the women that walk in instead of scanning the membership cards of peeps that walk in as its their job. Maybe you can impress her with your 1337 bar code scanning skillz.
  

East vs. West: The Best for Breasts

A good friend of mine, Devin, showed me this map while I was in Hawaii over the holidays. It's from the February 2007 issue of National Geographic and it paints a stark contrast between the east and west when it comes to the male-female ratio. Long story short - the west is a giant sausage factory while the east is where all the yummy cream pies and pink tacos are at.


Los Angeles has the largest blue dot on that freakin' map! Hawaii is no where near as bad but it's still blue and blue is most definitely bad. Clearly, I am on the wrong side of the country.

Or am I?

True, the clubs in LA are reminiscent of the factory floor at Libby's Vienna Sausage cannery. Furthermore if National Geographic printed it, then it must be true. I mean, come on - they're a well respected publication and for many of us, the first porno mag we ever saw.


Yeah, baby. Work it!!!!!

However, don't be so quick to take this information at face value. Yes, the dot is big but the numbers represent absolute quantities, not percentages. In other words, the map claims LA has approximately 40,000 more men than women. Depending on LA's total population, 40,000 might not be a significant amount. For example, let's say that Los Angeles has a total population of 9,948,081. For such a large population, 40,000 is actually less than 1%. (0.4 % for you bean counters).

It doesn't take a genius to figure that much out so don't pat me on the back, yet. I decided to take it one step further. I wanted more data to prove that LA is not the hotbed of crossed swords that it appears to be.

Where would I go to get this data? The Federal Government!!! If you can't trust them, then who can you trust? I went over to the U.S. Census Bureau website and looked up some data for Honolulu, Los Angeles, New York, and the nation as a whole. I've tabulated some of the more interesting statistics in the table below.

I used information from the counties that the above cities reside in as opposed to just the city itself as the county information is more recent. The data for individual cities dated back to 2000 while the counties' data was compiled in 2006.

Looky! Looky! I see Nookie!

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, Los Angeles is NOT the worst when it comes to the male-female ratio. Between the three counties, Honolulu is actually the worst. (This is good news though, not great news since I still visit Hawaii every year.) New York is confimed to have the best ratio of the three. Or worst, depending on which set of genitalia you have. That's why Sex in the City was based in New York and Entourage took place in Los Angeles. It all makes sense now.

Some other interesting things I noticed:

• LA county has > 10x the population of Honolulu while New York is absolutely engorged with > 20x the Honolulu population. All those women in NY must be doin' it like rabbits. Of course, Honolulu is tiny compared LA and NY.
  
• Asians don't do well in the cold. Almost half of Honolulu's population is of the Asian persuasion. It's definitely the place to be if you're fishing for some yellow tail. Head east to find the white fish. Don't go too far as LA has more than NY.
  
• The traffic in Honolulu is bad, it sucks in LA, and its the worst in NY. Odd how the average commute time increases with the female population. *cough* women drivers *cough*
  
• The amount of housing available in each county is proportional to the population. LA has > 10x more housing than Honolulu. NY has > 20x.
• Honolulu has the highest rate of home ownership which correlates with their highest median household income.
  
• Honolulu homes seem to have the highest value. Given expensive homes exist in all three counties, I think Honolulu comes out on top because it has less low value housing to bring down its average. In other words, Honolulu has less slums and ghettos than LA and NY. This is just a guess, of course.

What have we learned from all this? National Geographic is not good porn. Also, the further east you go, the more women there are, the worse the traffic is, the cheaper the homes are. Pick your poison.

Must be this tall to ride --->

Just to break the monotony of my rants and stories, I'd thought I'd share this pic that someone linked on a message board that I visit. In other words, I don't seek this shit out. I just propagate it.



It's difficult to say but I think this ride is at Neverland Ranch. But what's a girl doing on it?