Pillow Talk

Teh breezie and I were lounging around the other day doing nothing in particular, talking about nothing in particular. So I decide to whip out some bra-busting, panty-dropping pillow talk. Now, imagine this in a soft whisper:

me: blah blah blah
her: tee hee
me: blah blah blah
her: uh huh
me: blah blah donkey punch
her: wtf lol

All pillow talk eventually ends with the topic of donkey punches. And if yours isn't, then you should be asking yourself why. Why? Because it's the unicorn of sexual maneuvers. Check it out:

It's talked about.
It's written about.
It's dreamed about.
But no one has actually seen it.

Everything else has been done. It's a bold claim, I know. But think about it:

• Dirty Sanchez: This is supposedly performed in the Screeched sex tape starring Dustin Diamond of Saved by the Bell. I haven't seen it personally but it says so on wikipedia so it must be true.
• Cleveland Steamer: I think scat play has gotta be done to death. If it wasn't covered in 2 girls 1 cup, then just search for any Japanese scat videos; maybe German shieza pr0n, too.
  
• Shocker: Srsly? Not even a challenge.
  
• Snowball: I know I've seen it in a number of internet pr0n vids. It's been done. And yes - I admit it. I've watched pr0n on teh internet. Get over it.
  

The list goes on but the mythical Donkey Punch remains elusive. Hell, it's the one thing that google can't find.

If anyone out there has witnessed it, then screenshot or it didn't happen. But before we get into identifying precedence, let's lay down some definitions. According to the distinguished Urban Dictionary:

"The Donkey Punch is when your engaged in anal sex and when your about to ejaculate you punch the poor little lady in the back of the head so her anal cavity tightens making the orgasm all that more better (for you of course)."

The closest thing I could find to pictorial evidence is this:


That's a little too literal but the general idea is there. I'm counting on the masses - my 5 peep strong fan base - to go forth and prove the existence of the Donkey Punch. To hell with Big foot, Nessie, and alien abductions. This myth is one for the ages.

Blah blah blah. Tee Hee.
Blah blah blah. Uh huh. donkey
punch. WTF? LOL!

Yeah, I know - that was too easy.

The k.d. lang paradox

K.d. Lang goes to
my gym. Oops, it's just a dude
with the same haircut.

True story.

By itself, the above haiku isn't very significant but I thought it blog-worthy because it was the most spontaneous piece of poetry I have ever written. Those words just fell into my head and I quickly realized that it could fit the 5-7-5 pattern by swapping a word or two. Ta-da! Damn, I'm good.

Anyway, the dude really did look like a slimmer, younger k.d. Lang. That being said, I was left with a peculiar paradox. Does this dude look like a lady? "Yes," is my first impression. Hence, I immediately likened him to the female-ish singer.

However, the more I think about it the more I want to say, "No, dude look-a-like-a mang." Here's how I figure:

This guy looks like k.d. Lang.
K.d. Lang has no discernible female features.
Consequently, k.d. Lang look-a-like-a mang.
Ergo, this guy look-a-like-a mang.

QED, bitches.