End of Hawaii '07 trip

This past Christmas vacation in Hawaii was definitely one of the better ones. It's possible that I think that of every trip right as it ends and this is the only time that I have taken the initiative to record it. In any case, I had a great time and I feel I should commemorate it with a final post from my dad's quirky computer. First of all, some rants so I don't have to end this post on a negative note.

My dad's computer has made me miss mine at home in LA. The video card is severely underpowered, there aren't any speakers, the keyboard is very spongy, and the keys stick. So much so that I have been hitting the "backspace" key like it owes me money.

The weather left much to be desired. The majority of the time, it was overcast, rainy, and a bit chilly for Hawaii. I can count on one hand how many days out of my +2 weeks here in Hawaii that the sun was out and I didn't have to worry about bringing an umbrella...ella...ella...


I got nuttin' but love for Hawaii. I grew up here. I come back every year to party and enjoy the way of life. But damnit, locals here are teh fail when it comes to drunk driving. They are the absolute worst. If drunk driving was a recreational sport, then Hawaii does not deserve to have an intramural league. I don't condone the act, but if you're gonna do it (and you shouldn't) STOP KILLING YOURSELVES AND EACH OTHER. Every year around the holidays, the number of automobile related deaths seem to increase and, of course, alcohol and speed are always related. This ultimately gets the cops all riled up and they make their freakin presence felt on the highways. I have to drive like a grandma whenever I'm there because there are so many cops on the road. Who knows, maybe its like this in every city. Maybe LA has just as many if not more automobile related deaths per capita as Honolulu but it gets less attention in LA as people there also like to shoot each other. Go fig.

All of the above pales in comparison to all the wonderful experiences I had this past trip. I wish I could have stayed another week. I got to see some new places, meet some new friends, and reacquaint myself with some high school classmates.

We spent a few nights in downtown Honolulu which just a few years ago was a haven for drugies, dealers, pimps, and hookers. Nowadays, its been cleaned up a lot but its still got a ways to go. We spent a night at the Mercury Bar which was a bit of a hole in the wall but it actually was really cool. It's got a lot of swank for an area thats got a lot of dank.

I finally got a chance to check out Bar 35 and Next Door. Again, both are very swanky places. A couple of times Next Door was having an 80s night which was pretty cool, surprisingly. The only problem was I had no idea how people danced in the 80s. I don't think the people from that decade did either. Bar 35 was a much more chill atmosphere with a pimpin patio in the back. I'd definitely go back to either of these places next time I'm in town.

And of course, the people. When it comes to keeping in touch with people from high school, I've always said that I already do so with those that I care to keep in touch with and I don't really care about anyone else. Well, I think I'll have to change my position. I got to spend some time with some peeps from high school at a wine bar in downtown and at Mike's birthday/New Year's party and I must say that I'd now call these people my friends. Not surprisingly, social interaction with these people have changed since high school. Things are a lot less superficial and it's not a popularity contest. Everyone can talk and hang out without dealing with the awkward social barriers that existed back then. Some names that spring to mind: Meli, Malia, Dave, Joel, and Mike. They are all people that I didn't hang around in high school but was able to do so nowadays and it was cool. I apologize if I missed anyone. My memory stinks.

Along with old faces, I met some new ones. One of which, Jeff (sp?), turned out to be the cousin of a friend's sister's boyfriend (Pretty Ricky, for those that know him). A couple other really cool peeps that I'm glad I met are Cathy and Poha. Cathy - I swear I know you from somewhere else. Poha - you're from Waianae, you're excused.

Those are the highlights from my trip. I glazed over a lot of details that I might go into in a future post if the mood strikes me. I'll be back some time in '08 for more good times.

Business in the front, party in the back!

Here I thought that mullets are predominantly a southern phenomenon. Not true. Apparently, the trendy hairdo is alive n' thrivin in the 50th state. As much as I like to poop on it, I must admit the mullet's popularity (or perhaps its notoriety) grants it more monikers than any other haircut that I know. I've heard it called squirrel pelt, mississippi mudflap, ape drape, beaver paddle, and tennessee tophat. I wish I'd taken pictures of all the mudflaps I've seen here so far.

A heavy flow day

I hate Walmart.
You hate Walmart.
Everyone hates Walmart.

And we all have our reasons. I hate it because it's always a zoo. It's always crowded, it's always a mess, and it always takes longer than it should. Despite my avid disdain for this consumer mosh pit, I still end up going there for one thing or another. There happens to be a Walmart very close to where I stay while I'm in Hawaii so I use it as a very large inconvenience store for anything I might need.

Unfortunately for me, I needed something from Walmart at 11:30 PM on Christmas Eve.

This area of the island (Kunia/Waipahu) tends to have a lot of filipinos and they were out in force doing their Christmas shopping at Walmart. It was sheer madness. The parking lot was full of lowered trucks with loud subs and louder paintjobs, civics that were painted only with primer but still had super commando wings on the rears, and overgrown SUVs with 20 inch wheels and 50 inch butts riding shotgun.

It was utter chaos in the store. People were everywhere. Little brown kids were scurrying everywhere begging their parents for this or that. Workers were scrambling about with their blue vests and pricing guns. The shelves and racks were completely disheveled. I've seen flea markets with more organization than this disaster area.

I ducked, dodged, and shoved my way through the ghetto masses. As I reached an intersection in the aisles, I suddenly got a "not-so-fresh" feeling. I was nearly crushed by an entire palette of tampons and maxipads being pulled on a palette jack. As I contemplated death by Kotex Ultra-thin and something else featuring a soft rounded applicator, I wondered if there was enough Always Super Absortption with Flexi-wing pads to smear me all over the linoleum floor and mop up the bloody mess in one fell swoop. I'd be an exceptionally heavy flow.

Obviously, I have not been absorbed into a panty liner as I am still around to document the event. It certainly made me wonder though: Did Walmart's shelves actually get picked clean of tampons and pads on Christmas Eve? WTF? I understand women use these items year round, but do they buy a year's supply during the holidays? Did all the filipinas in Hawaii get their periods at once? Or are people giving them as Christmas gifts? What a shitty ass gift. I admit that its practical but who the fuck wants that. Imagine getting up Christmas morning and unwrapping a 12 pack of toilet paper that someone gave you for the holidays. Yeah, its kinda like that.

On my way home and later on that evening, I figured it out. They weren't stockpiling or giving them as gifts. That's just silly. They were using them, but not in the traditional means. They're going Macgyver on our asses and making fireworks out of them. It's true. They have the technology; they can build it bigger, louder, and more destructive. Think about it: most of the work has already been done. Tampons are kinda firecracker shaped with a little fuse already on it.

See what else can be made from tampons at http://www.tamponcrafts.com/ .

Every time a can of Nos is opened, an angel gets its wings.

I'm normally not a fan of mixed drinks made with an energy drink and some sort of alcohol. The energy drink is a stimulant while the alcohol is a depressant. The net effect it has on me is that I skip the giddy, drunken stupor and go straight to tired and sleepy. While would I pay for a drink that skips the good part and goes straight to the good night part?

As we all know, necessity is the mother of invention.

A few friends and I were heading out to a party and I was feeling a bit run down. (This was the headgear party at the Mercury Bar for those that were there.) I needed a little something to pick me up e.g. caffiene, but I wanted to pre-party a bit e.g. booze. In my infinite wisdom, I had foreseen this situation earlier in the day and had gone out of my way to find the Holy Grail of energy drinks: Nos.

Those that have tried to buy this caffinated nectar can testify to how difficult it is find in grocery stores, gas stations, liquor stores, or convenience stores. It truly is a mini grail quest. It doesn't grant eternal life, but it does make you a bit livelier for the time being.

At the Times supermarket in Kunia, I found what I was looking for...sort of. I had discovered Fruit Punch flavored Nos.


Not quite what I was looking for, but beggars can't be choosers. I picked up a few cans in preparation for that night's festivities.

Fast forward to later on that evening when a few friends and I congregated at Devin's Pimpalicious House of Pimping Pimp Pad. It was in his abode that the magic happened. From his freezer, he retrieved a chilled bottle of Grey Goose Vodka. From my Times Supermarket plastic bag, I retrieved two cans of fruit punch Nos.

The can of Nos opened with a crack and at that moment the heavens sang and an angel received its wings. I poured one part fruit punch Nos and one part vodka into a martini shaker with some ice. Shake well and pour into a Martini glass. If you're feeling fancy, then garnish with a sugar rimmed glass and a slice of fruit. Thus was born: The Nosmopolitan.

As customary to the consumption of alcohol, we first recognized our fallen homies. All kidding aside, the first drank of the Nosmo was dedicated to the late Mike Woo who passed a few days prior. May he rest in peace.

Thanks are in order to:

Devin - Thanks for letting us use your house as a staging point for our forays into drunken debauchery and also for providing the booze and martini glasses that were critical to the creation of the Nosmopolitan. You own more alcohol and alcohol related paraphenalia than any other sober man I know.

Congratulations to:

Brian and Sang - For being amongst the first to sip the Nosmopolitan. This is a part of history that you will undoubtedly share with your grandchildren.

One part fruit punch Nos,
one part vodka. Behold! The
Nosmopolitan!

My Inaugural Post

This is a forum where myself and/or others may feed on ideas, digest, and spew forth any thing that didn't make it into the crapper. I hope it makes us all laugh, think, and not wish we had the previous 5 minutes of our lives back.

I encourage readers to post feedback if they are inspired to do so. The benefits of sharing ideas are diminished when communication is one-sided.