A heavy flow day

I hate Walmart.
You hate Walmart.
Everyone hates Walmart.

And we all have our reasons. I hate it because it's always a zoo. It's always crowded, it's always a mess, and it always takes longer than it should. Despite my avid disdain for this consumer mosh pit, I still end up going there for one thing or another. There happens to be a Walmart very close to where I stay while I'm in Hawaii so I use it as a very large inconvenience store for anything I might need.

Unfortunately for me, I needed something from Walmart at 11:30 PM on Christmas Eve.

This area of the island (Kunia/Waipahu) tends to have a lot of filipinos and they were out in force doing their Christmas shopping at Walmart. It was sheer madness. The parking lot was full of lowered trucks with loud subs and louder paintjobs, civics that were painted only with primer but still had super commando wings on the rears, and overgrown SUVs with 20 inch wheels and 50 inch butts riding shotgun.

It was utter chaos in the store. People were everywhere. Little brown kids were scurrying everywhere begging their parents for this or that. Workers were scrambling about with their blue vests and pricing guns. The shelves and racks were completely disheveled. I've seen flea markets with more organization than this disaster area.

I ducked, dodged, and shoved my way through the ghetto masses. As I reached an intersection in the aisles, I suddenly got a "not-so-fresh" feeling. I was nearly crushed by an entire palette of tampons and maxipads being pulled on a palette jack. As I contemplated death by Kotex Ultra-thin and something else featuring a soft rounded applicator, I wondered if there was enough Always Super Absortption with Flexi-wing pads to smear me all over the linoleum floor and mop up the bloody mess in one fell swoop. I'd be an exceptionally heavy flow.

Obviously, I have not been absorbed into a panty liner as I am still around to document the event. It certainly made me wonder though: Did Walmart's shelves actually get picked clean of tampons and pads on Christmas Eve? WTF? I understand women use these items year round, but do they buy a year's supply during the holidays? Did all the filipinas in Hawaii get their periods at once? Or are people giving them as Christmas gifts? What a shitty ass gift. I admit that its practical but who the fuck wants that. Imagine getting up Christmas morning and unwrapping a 12 pack of toilet paper that someone gave you for the holidays. Yeah, its kinda like that.

On my way home and later on that evening, I figured it out. They weren't stockpiling or giving them as gifts. That's just silly. They were using them, but not in the traditional means. They're going Macgyver on our asses and making fireworks out of them. It's true. They have the technology; they can build it bigger, louder, and more destructive. Think about it: most of the work has already been done. Tampons are kinda firecracker shaped with a little fuse already on it.

See what else can be made from tampons at http://www.tamponcrafts.com/ .