East vs. West: The Best for Breasts

A good friend of mine, Devin, showed me this map while I was in Hawaii over the holidays. It's from the February 2007 issue of National Geographic and it paints a stark contrast between the east and west when it comes to the male-female ratio. Long story short - the west is a giant sausage factory while the east is where all the yummy cream pies and pink tacos are at.


Los Angeles has the largest blue dot on that freakin' map! Hawaii is no where near as bad but it's still blue and blue is most definitely bad. Clearly, I am on the wrong side of the country.

Or am I?

True, the clubs in LA are reminiscent of the factory floor at Libby's Vienna Sausage cannery. Furthermore if National Geographic printed it, then it must be true. I mean, come on - they're a well respected publication and for many of us, the first porno mag we ever saw.


Yeah, baby. Work it!!!!!

However, don't be so quick to take this information at face value. Yes, the dot is big but the numbers represent absolute quantities, not percentages. In other words, the map claims LA has approximately 40,000 more men than women. Depending on LA's total population, 40,000 might not be a significant amount. For example, let's say that Los Angeles has a total population of 9,948,081. For such a large population, 40,000 is actually less than 1%. (0.4 % for you bean counters).

It doesn't take a genius to figure that much out so don't pat me on the back, yet. I decided to take it one step further. I wanted more data to prove that LA is not the hotbed of crossed swords that it appears to be.

Where would I go to get this data? The Federal Government!!! If you can't trust them, then who can you trust? I went over to the U.S. Census Bureau website and looked up some data for Honolulu, Los Angeles, New York, and the nation as a whole. I've tabulated some of the more interesting statistics in the table below.

I used information from the counties that the above cities reside in as opposed to just the city itself as the county information is more recent. The data for individual cities dated back to 2000 while the counties' data was compiled in 2006.

Looky! Looky! I see Nookie!

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, Los Angeles is NOT the worst when it comes to the male-female ratio. Between the three counties, Honolulu is actually the worst. (This is good news though, not great news since I still visit Hawaii every year.) New York is confimed to have the best ratio of the three. Or worst, depending on which set of genitalia you have. That's why Sex in the City was based in New York and Entourage took place in Los Angeles. It all makes sense now.

Some other interesting things I noticed:

• LA county has > 10x the population of Honolulu while New York is absolutely engorged with > 20x the Honolulu population. All those women in NY must be doin' it like rabbits. Of course, Honolulu is tiny compared LA and NY.
  
• Asians don't do well in the cold. Almost half of Honolulu's population is of the Asian persuasion. It's definitely the place to be if you're fishing for some yellow tail. Head east to find the white fish. Don't go too far as LA has more than NY.
  
• The traffic in Honolulu is bad, it sucks in LA, and its the worst in NY. Odd how the average commute time increases with the female population. *cough* women drivers *cough*
  
• The amount of housing available in each county is proportional to the population. LA has > 10x more housing than Honolulu. NY has > 20x.
• Honolulu has the highest rate of home ownership which correlates with their highest median household income.
  
• Honolulu homes seem to have the highest value. Given expensive homes exist in all three counties, I think Honolulu comes out on top because it has less low value housing to bring down its average. In other words, Honolulu has less slums and ghettos than LA and NY. This is just a guess, of course.

What have we learned from all this? National Geographic is not good porn. Also, the further east you go, the more women there are, the worse the traffic is, the cheaper the homes are. Pick your poison.