A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Something very odd happened the other day. It was one of those things that throw you for a loop and have you wondering, "Dub Tee Eff?" Far be it for me to question God's master plan, but this just didn't seem right.

It was a cardio day at the gym for me the other day. I'm a treadmill guy nowadays. Correction - I'm an older treadmill guy which means I need to stretch before I run-in-place for the next half an hour. I grab an exercise mat and walk over to some bare floor near the cardio machines where I can get my stretch on.

Before I get down to business, I take a gander around. You know, to look for any chicks on the ellipticals that'll have a view of me stretching. If there are, then I'll hike up my shorts to show off my sexy white thighs. Oh yeah.

Sure enough, I find nothing. There's people: a older hispanic lady, a few token asians, a pair of black ladies chit chatting as they pedal stationary bikes - the typical crowd. There was also a couple of younger white-ish dudes (toasted crackas?) with faux hawks working out on the ellipticals. They were wearing some nondescript t-shirts and some basketball shorts - again, pretty typical fare.

I settle down, extend my right leg and put my head down to my knee to stretch my hamstring. With my face 2 inches from my knee, I hear the most effeminate male voice. Right away, I'm thinking: gay dude.

Now, I don't give two shits if a guy is gay. It doesn't bother me so long as I don't have to participate. In this case, I was caught off guard because I didn't notice anyone around me that looked gay.

What does gay look like? You tell me. We all know the stereotype. Gay guys dress well. It's a universal truth. They always have a more fashionable appearance than straight males no matter what the occasion. When I took stock of the local fare just before I began my stretch, I sure as hell didn't notice anyone that looked like he rode in on the hershey highway.

It turns out, it was on of the faux hawks that were dressed in plain clothes. And this is what struck me as peculiar. He was dressed like every other guy in the gym. Every other guy has zero fashion sense in the gym. Does this mean that Mr. Faux Hawk, as a gay man, has no fashion sense? That's just wrong! Wrong! It's like Yoda without the force; he's just a weird looking guy that talks funny.